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How to talk to somebody with Asperger’s

So, communication “issues” are a hallmark of autism. And, many people frequently reach their wit’s end attempting to communicate with autistic friends, loved ones, co-workers, etc. Therefore, I’m going to share one, major tip that can significantly ease the suffering for all involved.

DO NOT make broad statements that can be perceived as false in any way. If you do, your Aspie WILL NOT hear your message. Instead, he/she will become fixated on the fact that you are, technically, wrong.

For example:

You say,

“If you don’t take a shower, nobody will listen to you.”

Your Aspie thinks,

“Actually, people will still listen to me, even if I don’t shower.”

A more effective choice is,

“You are correct that a shower is not, technically, necessary. However, most people will not want to hear your concepts on insert-personal-obsession-of-person-here if you don’t shower on a regular basis. *Because*, whether it is “technically necessary” or not, that is the expected societal norm.”

 

– Side note: Your aspie probably does not give two flying flips about societal norms. So, it is crucial that you explain it in terms of that he/she will not be able to communicate what IS important to him/her, at least not to the majority of people, IF certain other expectations are not met first. Make it clear that they don’t have to agree, or like it. They don’t even “have to” do it. But, that maximum effect can be achieved if people are not distracted by other atypical behaviors.

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J.O.R.R.P.

J.O.R.R.P..

J.O.R.R.P.

What is J.O.R.R.P.?

http://www.sickkids.ca/AboutSickKids/Newsroom/Past-News/2010/HPV-airway-infection-release.html

So, should I keep my kids away from your kid?

No. There are ZERO cases of child-to-child transfer, or even teen-to-teen, via kissing, drink sharing, slobber, pacifier stealing, toy gumming, etc.

Why do you tell people your child has J.O.R.R.P.?

Why wouldn’t I? There are only 6,000 active cases of R.R.P. in the United States. (R.R.P. adult onset = A.O.R.R.P., juvenile onset = J.O.R.R.P.) If I can help ONE less person to feel isolated & alone in this journey, which has already happened, then my mission is accomplished.

How do you know he didn’t get it from you?

I don’t. H.P.V. is a tricky thing. There are hundreds of strands, and tests & vaccines only protect against a handful of them. Moreover, the human body typically fights off H.P.V. within 2 years of acquiring it. (A virus is with you forever, but your body “beats it”, per se, and it then lies dormant within your body.) So, did I have an active case of H.P.V. at the time of his birth? I don’t know. Did I have one of the many strands of H.P.V. that a test will not find? I don’t know. I do know that I never had a positive screen for H.P.V., and I have been blood tested every year for a decade. Even at the start of my pregnancy, my blood work & PAP smear both indicated all was well. I also was given a round of the GARDASIL vaccine at the start of my pregnancy, before I knew I was pregnant. Did the GARADSIL vaccine cause this? I don’t know.

So, what now?

     Well, nothing. We wait & see. My son is 2 years old, and he was diagnosed with J.O.R.R.P. at 6 months. He has removal surgery every 3 months. I will never forget the look on the ENT’s face when he did his first throat scope that day. I’ve never seen a doctor look scared before. I’ve never seen a doctor look confused. I’ve never heard a doctor say he doesn’t know what it is, or how to handle it. Not things that give a mother warm, fuzzy feelings. His exact words were, “Your son’s throat looks like a 50 year old man who smokes 2 packs a day.”

      I spent the next few weeks in blinding fear that he had throat cancer. I’m not sure how many parents know what it’s like to wake up every day wondering if their child stopped breathing in the night. All moms of newborns, certainly, but this condition is not something that exits your mind after 3 months. Since my son is still (mostly) non-verbal, I don’t know if he feels like he is barely sucking air through a straw when he plays with his brother & friends, or swims in the pool. I don’t know how much his throat does, or doesn’t, hurt after his operations. I don’t know if certain foods cause him pain.

     I do know that I made the decision, almost immediately, that I wasn’t going to treat him differently because of his condition. I have heard from many adults who were sickly in childhood tell how their parents behaved as though they were inside plastic bubbles, and the life long mental/emotional problems that it caused them. Do I monitor his condition closely? Sure. Of course! But, I am so… careful… not to hover, not to make him feel unusual, and not to excuse all of his normal childhood antics “because he’s sick”.

     * If you have any other questions, I’ll post another informative link here, and I have also noticed there is a lack of support groups around. So, feel free to contact me as well!

http://www.rrpf.org/whatisRRP.html

Blue Pill, Red Pill

   Today I saw my shrink, 3.5 weeks after starting a daily regime of 10mg celexa for anxiety, and she said I seem “different”. Calm. Less talkative. She actually struck me as downright alarmed for a moment, wanting to be sure I hadn’t ventured off into the land of the completely numb. And the truth is, I haven’t, but comfortably numb might be a more fitting description. It’s like I’m still me, sort of, but a different kind of me. My analytical mind, sharp wit, ability to rapidly & thoroughly solve complex problems, and intense curiosity about, well, everything has been drastically reduced. My brain no longer flies 190 mph, every minute, every day. I stopped cleaning my house on the hour, obsessing about… anything, and my facial tics have been reduced by a good 75-80%. A question or topic that would have sparked a frenzy within me 3 shorts weeks ago, say cro-magnon & Neanderthal foot bone comparisons, now seems completely irrelevant. I don’t care. I think about things I formerly perceived to be “normal”. As in, what a so-called normal person worries about each day. The weather, grocery shopping, spending time with my kids; brain on mute. And while I may have just unintentionally made it sound completely awful, it’s actually kind of nice. I can relax. I can watch a T.V. show for more than 2 minutes. I can listen when other people speak, feeling no intense need say my own piece. I can put my cell phone down, and I can walk away from my computer. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. It can just be. My kids don’t get on my nerves, I enjoy time with my mom for the first time in years, and I think I might be living again. A real life. Not just online. I can even feel something below my neck. There is a body down there, and it’s attached. There is a heart thumping inside the chest. My chest. My heart. It wasn’t there before. My world was inside my head, jam packed so tight in the frontal lobe that it is a wonder it didn’t explode. And now I remember. I remember what it feels like to cry. I remember what it feels like care. I remember what it feels like to have joy, and I remember when I used to be alive once, many years ago. I didn’t even realize the life inside me had slipped away. Now here it is again, like an old friend, and while I might not be as funny, or as smart, I’m glad it’s back. I hope it stays a while.

God’s Big Bang

image

   Today, I am going to give my take on the Islamic perspective of The Big Bang Theory, which is a huge reason for my conversion to Islam. (Science, in general, was the main reason for my decision.) I will cover the “big crunch” concept as well. First, I will go over the scientific, non-religious theory in a nutshell. Second, I will list some surrahs (verses) from the Qur’an that reference the theory, and give a brief explanation of how each one ties in. Lastly, I will post some visual aids of the entire process. (Visual always helps me!) So, here we go. 🙂

   Somewhere around 13.7-8 billion years ago, the universe was nothing but a black hole with a dense, little “dot” at the center called a singularity. A black hole is pretty much what it sounds like; giant, black (a.k.a. nothing can escape, not even light), and sucks everything in (think bath tub drain when you let the water out). In one second, literally, the little “dot” at the center randomly started expanding in different directions, reducing density at the same time. (The term “explosion” is actually a misrepresentation of “blew up”. The universe “blew up like a balloon”, not blew up like a bomb.) In essence, remember the bath tub drain? Reverse that. It is all spewing back out now. This abundance of rapid activity made things very hot. Over time, it slowly began to cool down. What happens when you take something that is extremely hot & it starts cooling? Smoke. After about 380,000 years, the smoke finally started to clear, and the density was reduced, enough to let light shine through. The universe is still expanding in the same fashion to this day, and some scientists believe that the gravitational pull may, in the future, cause this expansion process to reverse, or re-collapse, into itself, known as The Big Crunch.

1. “Then He directed Himself to the heaven while it was smoke…” 41:11

Remember where the smoke came from? “He” is God, by the way.

2. “And the heaven We built with craftsmanship. And we are still expanding.” 51:47

The universe is expanding. We didn’t know this until Ed Hubble rolled his spiffy telescope out in the 1920’s. The Qur’an was revealed in 610 A.D.

3. “…the heavens and earth were meshed together then we ripped them apart?…” 21:30

Heavens = universe. Meshed together = singularity (inside the black hole). Ripped them apart = sudden, rapid expansion in opposite directions.

4. “On the day when we will fold the heaven, like the folder compacts the books, and as We originated the first creation We shall return it…” 21:104

The Big Crunch = reversal.

   From this research, I feel it is quite clear the Qur’an was divinely revealed given that the prophet Muhammad was illiterate, and accurately told of science discovered (proven) centuries later. Other miracles I will discuss in later blogs include the Qur’anic revelations that all living things are mostly made up of water, the seven layers that compose our atmosphere (7 heavens), 11 planets (yeah, 11, pluto + sun + moon) vs. 7 (planets outside the earth), and many more. Don’t trust any random thing you read on the internet. A great number of people have no idea what they are talking about. Stay tuned! 🙂

Your work is too “simple”!

   For any brilliant people out there reading along, say those with I.Q.’s over 115, and/or advanced degrees, fine. This blog, along with all of my others, is meant to be an “easy read” for the average person. Lately, I have received some criticism that my work is “too simple”. So, I am just throwing that out there as an explanation of why I write in this style! If I ever get the chance, I may go back and publish a more advanced version of each topic one day, but for now I don’t have the time. I’m also not trying to bore people. How many times have you started reading articles, and half way through totally zoned out? These are meant to be quick reads. Anybody with questions is more than welcome to leave comments in the comments section. 🙂

My hijab

My hijab allows me to leave the shallow notion that a woman’s worth is the equivalent of her physical beauty behind.

My hijab allows me to be heard, not seen.

My hijab allows people to appreciate me, not my physical appearance.

My hijab frees my time to focus on issues that matter instead of spending it fussing over my hair, and touching up my make-up.

My hijab allows me to concentrate on what I am doing at school, or work, not on who is looking at me.

My hijab doesn’t care what my hair looks like.

My hijab doesn’t care about my make-up.

My hijab doesn’t care what I have on today.

My hijab knows that I am much more than “another pretty girl”.

My hijab doesn’t care if I go to the gym.

My hijab doesn’t concern itself with the wrinkles that are slowly forming around my eyes.

My hijab doesn’t care about my age.

My hijab liberates me.

My hijab is beautiful.